Downward Spiral Page 3
“I’m Paige. P-A-I-G-E.” I feel the need to spell it out for him so that he doesn’t confuse it with something like
“Page.”
“I think you’re in the classroom next to mine.”
“I am?” I’ve never seen him after the bus drops us off.
“Yeah, I have Mrs. Craple.”
“Oh no. Mrs. Crabapple?”
“Crabapple?”
“Yeah, everyone says she’s mean, so they call her Mrs. Crabapple. My brother, Mike, had her, and she was really mean to him.”
“She’s not mean to me.” He smirks. “Teachers always love me.”
“I doubt that.”
“You just have to tell them everything they want to hear.”
“So, you’re a suck-up?”
“I wouldn’t call it that.” He smirks again.
“What would you call it then?” He thinks for a moment. “Charm.” I roll my eyes.
“You’ll see.” He smiles, then slides back towards his window.
After school, Eli sits in his usual seat by mine and again, sits towards the aisle.
“Hi, Paige,” he says with a smile.
“Hi, Eli.”
“What do you do for fun after school?”
“Not too much. Read, I guess.”
“That’s it?”
“Well, when I get home I have to do my homework, then I have chores to do around the house. Sometimes outside chores too, which I hate.”
“Don’t you ever play?”
“Sure I do. But I live in the middle of nowhere and all we have near us are fields and trees. Kind of like your house. I go into the woods a lot. Mike and I used to climb trees and build forts all the time, but now he’s gone, hanging out at a friend’s house.”
“What about the river?”
“I’m not allowed to go down there alone and Mike never wants to come with me.”
“I’ll go with you. I love the woods we have in our backyard. There’s also a creek back there. It’s much different here than where I’m from.”
“Where are you from?”
“Kentucky. We had to move because of my dad’s job. He’s a pilot. We move sometimes, but I always thought we’d be staying in Kentucky permanently since we were there the longest. My dad usually gets a few different choices of where to go and he chose here.”
“Oh. Why would he willingly choose to move to
Wisconsin? There’s not much that goes on here.”
“No idea.”
“Was it hard to leave all your friends?”
“Yeah, I didn’t want to go. My sister,Sarah, was excited to move though.”
“Will you guys be staying here for a while or are you going to be moving again?”
“I don’t know. We’re supposed to be staying, but I’ve learned anything can happen.”
“Well, I hope you’re happy here while it lasts.
***
Twelve Years Old - Eli
“Hey, bookworm, I brought you something.”
I toss a comic book onto her lap as I sit down next to her. I breathe on my hands and rub them together, trying to warm them up from standing outside and waiting for the bus.
“What is it?” She looks it over curiously.
“It’s not the greatest comic ever but it has a wedding, so I thought you might like it.”
“Have you read it?”
“Of course! I’ve read them all. Own half of them. I think the Batman comics are the best.”
“Well, I’ll start reading it as soon as I finish my book.”
“Yeah, no hurry, although it will be nice to have someone to talk about them with.”
“I’d be happy to give them a whirl.”
“Wanna come over tomorrow?”
“I have to help Dad chop some more firewood tomorrow morning, but I can call you when I’m done.”
“You have to chop trees down?”
“No.” She laughs. “My dad chops up the dead trees and ones that have already fallen. But he doesn’t use an axe, he uses a chainsaw. I help load it on an old sled and drag it through the woods and into our garage. Then it’s right there when we need it and doesn’t get wet from the rain or snow. It sucks.”
“It sounds like it. Well, shoot.”
“What?”
“I wanted to see if you wanted to build forts, but if you’re going to be outside for hours already, you probably won’t feel like it.”
“No, I want to! Mike never builds them with me anymore. I’ll just dress warm like I always do.”
“Awesome.” I look at her hair. It’s the color of chestnuts and pulled back into a simple braid, like always.
“Why don’t you ever let your hair down?”
“Ugh.” She makes a face and her hands immediately go to smooth it out. “It’s so thick and uncontrollable. It’s just easier to take care of it by putting it back.”
“Why not cut it then?”
“I love my long hair. I just don’t like taking care of it,
I guess. I brush it out really well at night and leave it down then.”
“Yeah, I found that out the first time we snuck out.”
“That was fun.”
“There’s really nothing better than sneaking out to go sit down at the river like we always do.”
“You’re right. I love sitting down there while we talk. It’s so beautiful and I’m glad no one is ever around, no matter what time we go there.”
“I agree.”
***
“Paige? Is that you?” I can hear snow crunching and the sound of shuffling feet, but I can’t see her anywhere.
“Yeah!”
“Where are you?”
“Behind the snowbank!” We’ve learned that we have to take the long way around and use the road in the winter time. The fields can get too deep with all the snow and we can’t always trudge through it.
She finally comes into view from behind a giant pile of snow and I wave. I bend back down to grab the big sticks that I’ve been piling together for our fort. “Whoever lived here before us were slobs.”
“Because of all the crap that’s behind the barn?”
“Exactly.” I use my glove to wipe away the snot that’s dripping down from my nose and look at Paige’s bright red cheeks.
“But it’s always fun digging through it and finding stuff we can use. Like the pan we used for our previous fort. It makes it feel more homey.”
“You think a fort feels homey?”
“Well, kind of, yeah.”
“We need some rocks. Wanna come out to the creek with me?”
“I love it by the creek! We never get to go there.”
“Because there’s an actual river only twenty minutes away!”
“But there’s no bridge!”
“Fine, you can sit on the bridge while I collect the rocks. Let me grab the sled and we’ll go back there.”
“Yay!” She dances around in a circle and practically skips the entire way there. “Oh, I wanted to tell you, you’re such a jerk!”
I’m stunned. “Why? What did I do?”
“That comic book you gave me?”
“Yeah …”
“A bunch of people died at the end!”
“You’ve already read it?”
“Yes, I stayed up late last night so I could finish it. So now I need the rest of them to find out what happens next and how everything led up to that point. Basically, I need to borrow all your comic books now.”
I smile. I was hoping she’d like it. “I’ll get you a bunch before you go home.”
“Thank you.”
When we get to the creek, she goes on the bridge and starts kicking the snow off and into the running water below it, singing as she does. I’ve come to love the song Red River Valley, but only the way she sings it. I smile to myself as I start loading up my sled.
She sits down and kicks her boots back and forth off the side of the bridge. “Hey, Eli?” she asks when the song is over.
“You’re my best friend.”
I smile at her. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a friend. “You’re my best friend too, Paige. I hope we never move away from here.”
“I hope you don’t either. I’d cry if you ever left me.”
Chapter 4
Present Day – Paige
Two weeks after I’d bumped into Eli at the mall, I get my first text from him.
Eli: Miss me?
Nice to see some things never change. He still thinks he’s hot shit.
Me: Not really. But you obviously miss me … Eli: Wow! You’ve still got a mouth on you, huh?
Me: I can’t help that.
Eli: Apparently.
Me: So what’s up?
Eli: Did you want to meet for lunch sometime?
Me: Sure. When works best for you? I usually work until 5pm on the weekdays.
Eli: I can make any time work. But how about Friday night?
Me: That will work. How about 6pm? And where at?
Eli: 6 is perfect. Do you know where I live?
So he’s moved back and he wants to have dinner at his house? I’m definitely going to have to talk to Corbin about this now.
Me: How would I know where you live? What’s the address? I’ll find it.
He gives me his address and I realize he lives less than a mile away from me, and I run by the road that leads to his house almost every day, twice a day. Eli: See you then.
I immediately call Corbin.
He answers with, “Hey, babe.”
“Did you want to do something tonight?”
“Sure. Come on over whenever.”
When I enter Corbin’s house, I smile as he leans in for a hug and lengthy kiss.
“I have to talk to you about something,” I blurt out. The color immediately drains from his face. I take his hand and lead him over to his kitchen table. We sit and I take a deep breath.
“You know how I have a hard time talking to you about what happened six months ago?”
“Yes, I’m aware.”
“Well, I don’t like talking to my therapist about it, let alone you. I don’t want it to take away from the positive things we have.” I love spending time with him, even though deep down, I know he’s not the one for me. I don’t see myself growing old with him, but he’s Mr. Right Now, and I’m okay with that. For now.
“What are you trying to say?”
“Just hear me out. Do you remember Eli?”
“Yes, I remember,” he says through clenched teeth.
The night I had planned on losing my virginity to him was about a month after we had started dating, it was also one of the first times Corbin had ever been in my room. I was so nervous. When I came out in my lingerie, he was elated. I was handing myself over on a silver platter.
He walked up to me and ran his hands down my body. “I didn’t know my beautiful girl was such a nerd,” he said with a grin.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my nervousness turning to annoyance.
He nodded at my bookshelves. “Your comic book collection. You must have a couple hundred, at least.” He laughed and I didn’t say anything. “I mean, I knew you were a bookworm, but not a comic book nerd.” He laughed again.
I cringed at the word “bookworm.” That word had so much more meaning to me than he could ever understand. I also didn’t care to be laughed at like that, like he was making fun of me during what was supposed to be such an intimate moment.
I shrugged. “I had a friend who collected them, and he got me hooked. I like reading them. I read a lot of different things. A good story is a good story.”
“I didn’t mean to get you all riled up. Especially when you’re looking like this.” His hands went to my hips and he finally kissed me. We made our way over to the bed, where he laid me down and lifted up my lacy top. I started shaking a little bit as the nerves started building.
The moment was here.
“I wasn’t planning on this happening tonight,” Corbin whispered, “and I didn’t bring a condom with me.
Are you on the pill?”
“I’m not, but I bought some. They’re in the nightstand.”
He reached over and opened the top drawer, lifting out a photograph instead of the box of condoms.
“Who’s this?”
“Who’s what?”
“This guy.”
I look at the picture, the one I used to keep in my locker and could never part with, even after …
“That’s Eli.”
“And?”
“And he was my best friend when we were younger.”
“Let me guess, the one who shared his comic books with you?”
“Yes, but—”
“So why is his picture inside of your drawer?”
I looked to the drawer as I tried to grasp for some sort of answer that would appease him. “It’s not like that’s the only picture I have in there, Corbin.”
“Did you like him? Was he your boyfriend?”
“Um, no, he was never my boyfriend. We were friends. He doesn’t even live here anymore.”
He sighed. “I just want to make sure I don’t have any competition.”
I giggled nervously. “No, no competition. It’s just you and me.” I studied him. His face was a little red. “Are you upset?”
“Not at all.” He smiled at me. “I just thought it was a little weird, that’s all.”
“Can you just kiss me? Please?”
I took the picture out of his hand and tossed it into the drawer, trying to make a point of how little it meant to me, when all I wanted was to neatly place it in there, right on top of the stack where it belonged.
Corbin looked once more at the picture before grabbing the box of condoms and shutting the drawer. I shifted uncomfortably beneath him.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Eli, now. Damn it.
I closed my eyes. Corbin. Corbin. I opened them and looked at the man who was going to take my virtue tonight. He wasn’t Eli, but Eli was gone, never coming back.
Corbin was there, and he wanted to be with me.
Corbin untied the single bow holding my top together, and let the fabric fall to the sides. “I love you,
Paige. You know that, don’t you?”
Love had finally found me. “I love you, too.”
“He wants to meet. To talk about what happened.” “Why?”
“I don’t know. I bumped into him a couple of weeks ago and he wanted to know if he could call me.”
“And you didn’t think that would be something I would want to know about?” He’s upset and rightly so.
“I was wrong. I should have told you right away, I’m sorry. But I honestly didn’t think he’d call. And I told him about you. I think he’s struggling with …” I swallow hard, “with it too. I just thought maybe, somehow, it would be easier to talk to him about it. That maybe he would understand more than anyone else ever could,” I say quietly.
“What about Laura? She was there too.”
“Yes, but it didn’t happen to her. It happened to us.”
“Us?”
“Don’t do that. It’s not like that. It never was.”
“So, what? You want my permission to call him?”
“No, I want to let you know that I’m going to meet him. I’m not asking for your permission because I really feel like this is something I need to do. And I need you to be okay with it. Please? I care what you think. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be here right now discussing it with you.”
“If this is what you think you need to do.”
“I think it’s worth a try.”
“Then I’m okay with it.”
“There’s one more small thing that may or may not matter …”
“I’m listening.”
“I’m meeting him at his house Friday night for dinner. It’s NOT a date and I’ll even give you his address in case he murders me,” I giv
e him a nudge.
“Funny. But I will need his address in case I have to kick his ass.”
“There will be no need for any of that. There’s nothing to fight over.”
“You have no idea.”
***
“Are you nervous?” Laura asks me.
“A little. I sure as shit don’t want to talk about one of the worst nights of my life.” Let alone with the one person who’s the reason for the other worst night of my life.
“You’ll be fine. And you look fine, too.”
I smooth out my black pencil skirt and white blouse in the full-length mirror, debating if I should change into jeans and a nice top instead. Why is it so difficult to try and pick out just the right outfit?
“Thanks. Shit, I’m pretty nervous.” I can feel sweat on the back of my neck, causing my hair to dampen. I move my freshly curled hair over my shoulder to give it some air and fan my face with my hands.
“I won’t wait up.” She smirks and gives me a wink.
“Shut up. That’s not even funny. You’re not making this any easier!”
She heads across the hall and disappears into her room. I look myself over one more time before grabbing my black handbag and walking out the door.
I turn off the side road and into his driveway. My parents have a long driveway, but nothing compared to his. His driveway is surrounded by trees on either side, which explains why I’ve never noticed his house from the main road. After about a quarter-mile, I approach a gorgeous log home with giant windows overlooking the woods that are neighboring the place.
I shut off my engine and stare in awe at its beauty before stepping onto the gravel and passing his gray Chevy Silverado. I make my way towards the front deck leading to the double doors and hesitate before ringing the doorbell.
I don’t know him anymore. I didn’t even have time to rethink anything on the drive as it only took me about a minute to get here.
Eli opens one of the doors before I have the chance to raise my arm to push the button. “Paige. Welcome,” he says with a huge grin on his face, inviting me in.
Overwhelming. That’s the word I would use to describe his house. Two levels of large, stacked logs with big open windows looking out into the woods. The dark hardwood floors match the dark cabinets in the kitchen.
“Oh my gosh, Eli, your house is amazing. I didn’t even know a house like this existed in this town. Did you have it built?”